This is the story of a new adventure of clearing my mind and of finding joy. I need clarity and one way in which to achieve this I believe, (at least for now) is for me to deactivate my social media status. I may come back in a month, six months or never. I only promise to be true to me.
Facebook is, and has been a beautiful tool for me to connect with others and to share the love and the sorrows that I have experienced during the marriage and illness and beyond measure, the death of my husband. It has been beautiful to see photos of families and friends and to catch up on current events in each other lives. It also can have other ramifications. It has been difficult to disengage from that life of caregiver but I trust that for me, this will be a true testimony to my inner strength. Facebook has been a place to reconnect with old friends and to make new friends and though I do not to like to talk on the phone unless it’s necessary, I do e-mail. So if you would like my private e-mail, please send me a message before my deactivation.
Social media has become obstructive and exclusive – I need more inclusiveness in my life and the demeaning nature of so many political posts of political rivals is something I personally can no longer tolerate. This is not because I have one opinion or another – I believe we are each entitled to our own. However, I don’t see opinions as being shared without tearing down one another. And since I have many friends on both sides of the spectrum, it is easier said than done to scroll by. I have the ability to remove myself from the toxicity and find it is rather empowering now that I’ve made the decision. Negativity feeds negativity in ways that are unhealthy to me.
It is also with personal sacrifice to disengage what I have come to know as my life. The something I thought I needed to do in order to heal and find joy again that in the continual support of others in the appendix cancer community. I care so deeply, and so strongly for each and every patient and their caregiver that they also become a part of me and each new loss, each new struggle, becomes mine as well. When you are used to being the caretaker, there is no balance in this – you live it and breathe it 24/7 because this is all you know. I have chosen February 10, 2017 as the day for my Facebook deactivation. It is the day my birth mom was born, and also one of my aunts. It will be 2,306 days that we first heard Keith had cancer. It will be 26 months and one day that I said goodbye to my soul mate. It will also become the date that I am able to say hello to him again as I honor him by finding joy in my life as he wished for me. I have my own caregiver now … I am beloved.
Let the beauty we love be what we do.