There are not a lot of words to the song All I Know by Art Garfunkel, but both the lyrics and the melody give me peace. Aside from the first verse not being relevant, All I know is how very much I continue to love Keith.
I am who I am because of the love and friendship that Keith and I shared together. I am who I am because we believed that no matter what, our love was stronger than any obstacle we had placed before us. Still today, I am who I am because of his death and the obstacle of grief so present always, will be overcome by our love for each other.
I am stronger than I ever thought possible, though Keith and our hospice social worker told me how strong I would be. Some days I’ve thought they knew me better than I knew myself and then there are days I say to myself – I have no choice. Sure, I could lay down at night and choose not to get out of bed everyday, but that is not what Keith would want and it certainly isn’t what God wants of me. God saw me through the hardest nights and longest days as Keith laid motionless for three while his body underwent changes to prepare him for death. As I held him, I loved him and that’s all I knew. As I sat in the funeral home hours after his death making sure every last detail was right, I loved him. As I stood at his casket for hours on end, all I knew was that I loved him. As sad as it was during that wake and funeral, I didn’t feel anything but love. When I talk about him as I do in some way, every single day, it’s his love shining through. Keith’s love – it’s all I know.
I hope that one day every person who reads these words has experienced or will experience in their lifetime the love and passion that Keith and I shared. Through good times and bad, we were there for each other. In sickness and in health, we never waned. Death parted us physically but it absolutely did not part our love.
What I had hoped for our future together is gone now, but I no longer feel sad when I see elderly couples at dinner. Instead I say a silent prayer that they know how blessed they are. It is obvious that I miss my best friend but could not ask for better than what I had.
As Art Garfunkel wrote:
When the singer’s gone
Let the song go on
It’s a fine line between the darkness and the dawn
But the ending always comes at last
Endings always come too fast
They come too fast but they pass slow
I love you and that’s all I know